How I Destroyed My Anxiety For Good

hey there my name is Thomas brush and the creator of a game called pinstripe I'm also working on a game called once upon a coma I am wearing a tank top not because I'm well I am kind of high it's only working in my garage but because I just got back from the gym I I want to tell you about a little story about my anxiety I had really bad anxiety for five years and I kicked it in the booty I got rid of it completely I'm dead serious it's gone it's almost it's almost bad how much it's gone it's like gotten to the point almost to apathy or yeah you know like overconfidence I don't have trouble sleeping anymore I don't have panic attacks anymore I'm completely rid of all that and if any of you are aware being an indie game developer can result and pretty bad anxiety mainly because you're one you're one you're like sedentary even more so I think that's the word even more so than like some desk job because you work a lot of hours you work a lot of hours

especially like leading up to a launch of a game so you're constantly in this little cube right you're working inside of this computer it's almost like you're neo in the matrix but like the world sucks it's not like the ignorance is bliss kind of thing where you know the scene where the guy is eating the steak I know this steak doesn't exist I know that when I put it in my mouth the matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious after nine years you know what I realize [Music] ignorance is bliss no it's like the 2d especially if you're using Windows and not Mac it's disgusting it's ugly you're stuck in this computer screen for 10 hours a day right so you're working a

sedentary job that's depressing an anxiety provoking but also you'll work you know maybe two years and for me it was five years imagine working you know full-time on the game a really long period of time and hoping to God praying to the heavens of the game does well okay that can lead to serious anxiety now I never went to the doctor and got diagnosed with general and generalized anxiety disorder but my wife is in the medical profession so she has a little bit of knowledge about that stuff and we talked and I mean to be honest we fought a lot because I think she knew that I had a problem I was I was weak I was mentally unstable in a lot of ways I was constantly complaining about things and scared it was always scared of the future scared of everything social situations career stuff who I was scared of everything and I had a pretty

bad panic attack one night and I knew that I couldn't do it but I kicked it in the butt and the way that I kicked it in the bike and it's I'm dead serious it's gone it's been gone for I think almost two years weightlifting oh yeah now hear me out hold on another gym rat I'm not a bro I'm not a meathead I'm a nerdy game developer but working out has changed my life and I want to encourage you to consider it I was on medication for my anxiety and I'd turn on Netflix take a pill sit back feel really relaxed but really I'm not feeling anything when I take those pills it's just a dull boring it's almost like I had too much

to drink but like the kind of like certain alcohols will make me really dull and boring and and that's how it felt I knew that wasn't what I wanted that wasn't a solution so I'm I'm a religious guy but but people would say pray about your anxiety pray fix it my thoughts and prayers and prayers great thing meditation whatever you're into that's good but that wasn't I mean honestly it wasn't working some people would say talk to people you know talk it out talk out your feelings but let me tell you my wife will tell you we talked plenty about my fears and anxieties and we knew very well that my anxiety was ill-founded it didn't even I wasn't even worried about stuff I was just anxious for no damn reason I felt like a squirrel you know it's like they're just like everything is a problem everything is a big deal that's how I felt so we

knew it was a problem so I didn't really need to talk about it anymore like it's kind of like that feeling when you gossip it's like oh that felt really good in that moment but afterwards you feel like that's what it felt like to talk it through so all these different solutions were being presented to me and you know you might you might look at me and say Thomas you're not an expert you're not a doctor and I'll say my argument to that is I have seen firsthand the solution to anxiety for me and I want to share it with you and the truth is is that anxiety is like this epidemic now like anxiety and depression the suicide rate is insane something's not right so I just wonder if the the medical industry is not helping us like they should so my solution has been working out and the reason why working out destroyed wiped out my anxiety was three reasons first endorphins I'm hyped

up on endorphins right now I just had a great workout I go on my lunch break to the gym and feel amazing it's like I shot up endorphins that's how it feels it's not like taking a what do we call it a razza Pam I think is the anxiety medication it's not like taking that that's not how it feels it's not like this piece it's more of a feeling of power and which is a great way to combat and war with anxieties to feel power so you're getting it's not it's not some abstract emotional thing it's purely chemical you finish working out you feel good some people have it more than others but in general it's kind of a rule of thumb if you go to workout you could feel great at the end your muscles are gonna feel good your body's gonna feel good but your brain is gonna feel good what you have to remember what you have to remember is that your body and even your brain is not you it's a

vehicle now wherever you are on the spiritual spectrum I think we can all agree something is going on with consciousness something is there that isn't my fingers or my flesh or my brain or my eyes they play into all of how you perceive the world and how you interact with the world but it's not who you are for example if I if I plucked your eye out sorry that's really violent if I cut your hand off no that's violent whatever if somebody gets something amputated they're not less of a person so that means that your body is not you my point is is that your body is a vehicle so you should treat your body in such a way that almost as if it was a machine okay and there are certain rules that you can follow with your body to ensure that you're not an anxious software engineer or cubicle worker or whatever you especially people with desk jobs you your body craves

to be in a stress not stressful like emotionally but to be put under pressure whether it's evolution or our instincts or whether you believe in God and God made you that way everyone can probably agree that your body appreciates when you get put under pressure and stress that's why when you when you lift weights or go for a run your body responds in a positive way typically depends on your age but your body will grow muscle and you'll become a stronger person and you'll also get a roughing rush of endorphins the second reason why it got rid of my anxiety is I think a little bit of vanity just a little bit of vanity is a good thing now I don't I feel kind of like a normal guy I'm a normal looking dude but I feel really really good when I got a little muscle on when I get up in the morning all of

the things in the world can be fragile like my relationships with my friends or my family may be broken my marriage might be tough you know and I have a tough week with marriage and I'm not doing a good job as a husband and I feel insecure about Who I am as a person emotionally maybe if you're if you have if you're a religious person or you have a faith of some kind maybe your faith is shaken even though the source of your faith may not be shaken you and your faith and what's going on in your brain is shaken all things in the world can be broken in chin fragile but it's such a good feeling and it reduces anxiety to know that at least I'm gonna go to the gym today and do that right at least you know at least I'm I'm looking like I'm gaining muscle and I'm looking healthier and I'm you know maybe you feel you're getting more attractive as a person these are things that really help with

anxiety they really really do because you can at least feel good about who you are what I mean is sorry let's see let's use our logic that we had before it's not you at least feel good about the vehicle you're writing it and not only feel good about it why don't you soup it up you've got this vehicle okay there's no reason why you need to be driving in a 2001 now let's change that 1998 Nissan Altima which was my first car there's no reason why you need to be driving in that drive in a really nice car you have control over your body believe it or not whether you're a hardgainer or you struggle with weight you don't have to gain weight and be physically unfit as you work your desk job you have the opportunity after work or before work or during your lunch break and I I didn't tell myself that until I realized that anxiety was killing who I was as a person it was

hurting my business and I was also hurting my marriage so that's the second reason which is just looking in the mirror and feeling good about yourself it really changes a lot now the third reason why anxiety was destroyed was because I through the mental strain and the discipline and this just comes down to discipline when you grow as a disciplined person and when you fight every day you go I don't want to go to the gym today I don't want to push that bar up I don't want to do another rep I don't want to do sit-ups blah blah blah when you when you grow in discipline you're four it's again it's a chemical thing going on your brain this is not some abstract emotional like mumbo-jumbo is this stuff chemically going on in your brain when you form those mental pathways to pursue the hard path as opposed to the easy path you emotionally become stronger and

that's when I'm really into right now is the whole concept of especially as a man I think that you know I'm totally for female empowerment and and women being strong but as a man I can certainly identify with the feeling and I'll throw a picture up I could certainly identify the feeling of being a weak man and wishing that you were not and so if you're a dude or I guess if you're a woman to become stronger emotionally when you become stronger physically you could handle emotional struggle such as anxiety let's say especially if you're an entrepreneur like me or you're running a game studio or a graphic designer or you're working a desk job it's so easy to become weak and lazy in those desk jobs and it's up to you to recognize that you have influence over your

environment okay not only do you have influence over your flesh right this this vehicle that I'm in as much as I hate this vehicle and I don't like the way I look or whatever it's the vehicle that I was given I was born into so I'm gonna change it if I feel like I can the same is true for your environment manipulate your environment make your environment better it's like it's a wheel like you play RPGs probably if you don't you know it's all about upgrading in those games life is very similar if you're living in a healthy economy and you have some freedom go change the world change your world make your life better practicing strength and becoming more mentally and emotionally powerful you'll train your mind to be able to choose the emotional path that may be more difficult but more healthy so for

example we have one of the mental paths that I used to always go down is I can't do that I can't be a game developer I'm not good enough I think of it like like have you ever seen those images of neurons firing in a brain it's like going down that path the easiest smoothest slickest most damaging path of being self defeating or insecure or worrying that's where my brain was going all the time and I said to hell with that I'm gonna go the opposite direction and you start fighting and you rage against these unhealthy but easy thoughts so practice power over your mind and practice power over your body believe it or not you can do it so that is how I defeated anxiety it was it was purely 100 percent weight lifting it's just crazy it's a crazy thing I think that gets overlooked you imagine if you went to a

doctor and you said hey I'm really struggling with anxiety and he goes okay I'm gonna prescribe you five doses of weightlifting every week for a year can you imagine what would happen imagine this visualize after this video if this if this video means something to you at all go sit in a quiet closet I know that sounds weird go sit in the closet close the door and just think for 10 minutes what would my life look like if I decided to wait lift your eyes smell of Commerce I'm talking about like pushing yourself not talking about running five minutes I'm talking about really pushing yourself really when you push yourself against weight it's almost like you're fighting those mental urges to make the easy path the worrying anxious path when you push physically against weight your mind is pushing physically so I'm saying what would your

life look like if you really pushed yourself physically who would you become I'm a man so I'm thinking from that perspective a man is someone who leads and and if he does have fear he he fights it as hard as he can I want to leave my family and so I said I'm you know to hell with anxiety I'm gonna leave my family I've got a daughter a life I've got a mortgage I've got a company to run and to me that the easiest step towards towards and it sounds really shallow and like fake to say to become a man you need to work out I'm not saying that but I'm saying it's it's the most obvious step if there's any step you don't know to take take that step because so much stuff follows I promise you so give it a shot and this is from one game developer to maybe you're an entrepreneur or maybe you're a creative person or maybe that's

something you want to do if you want to pursue entrepreneurship or creativity some sort of career with creativity start working out because you're gonna need it it's a tool it's a tool to get through situations where you won't be able to handle it emotionally so thanks guys thanks for let me rent I apologize for the video quality but anyway please subscribe to this channel if you're interested in this weird dichotomy of maybe fitness and game development I mean that is to me that's such a weird thing to talk about but I'm like into both those things so let me know if you like this kind of discussion excuse me and if you like the transparency of these videos I can go back to doing really clean-cut videos step-by-step but this is just a different kind of video that I want to try I think that's my thousand um comment below I will answer some questions please subscribe you guys and share and

blah blah blah if you really like this stuff support and you can support on patreon there's a link in the description that means a lot to me too bye oops don't want to show you that