My son was born

alexa studio lights on how's everybody doing today hey guys my name is thomas brush and i make uh indie games for a living um and some of you may have seen and i figured i'd just do a video updating my son was born um last it's been a blur i think it was two weeks ago um and it was pretty we moved this it was pretty cool pretty exciting this is my second kid by the way some of you don't know that i have two kids i'm 30 years old i got married pretty young right out of college and me and my wife started to have kids and i wanted to make a video to just

sort of it's not really a super hyper polished video but i kind of want to explain my personality um and how i am the last person who should have a child um but why it's been the greatest thing on planet earth for me to have a child so that camera when it was was like a decade ago was it really a decade ago there's no way it may have been it was like right before i went to college or something yeah and me and my girlfriend who's my wife at the time i was taking a personality test and the personality test said that um i'm like gonna be a bad dad or something it said something like your personality um your personality is one that will find having kids to be something that gets in the way of you gets in the way of your motivation gets

the gets in the way of your career um and so that kind of made me nervous and i think that made my wife nervous or my girlfriend who's my wife now nervous because we wanted to have kids but i also knew that i was a super driven motivated person and that's that's who i am right now i'm a very motivated very confident person i have this almost foolish view of uh view of myself that i'm somehow going to help change the world and do great things and be a great artist and blah blah blah excuse me um and yeah so the personality test said that i'm i'm gonna be irritated by children and i'll tell you one thing uh that's true i'm i'm the kind of person who who does get irritated quickly who is impatient who loves to work i love working

um and i i am also very i cling tightly to my time like i can be very generous with money and uh generous with a lot of things with my stuff but i am not generous with my time and that's just me being honest and so what i learned once i had kids was that that prophecy of that personality test was true i am not naturally a good dad and i think a lot of you watching this video who maybe you do have kids maybe don't uh maybe you relate to that feeling of like i'm the last person on earth who should have a kid because that that's definitely how i felt and still feel um you know just i guess i'm just really lucky and blessed that i have a

partner and a wife who is willing to help me be a better man in spite of my natural predispositions so that's the first thing i wanted to say about this about having a son and by the way his name is silas now what does this have to do with game development because all of you know that this youtube channel is all about making games making video games making a career out of video games well i think it has everything to do with it because being a full-time game developer is actually requires a lot out of you because it basically means you're going to be an entrepreneur that's that's essentially what being a full-time game developer really means and that is if you want to do it you know as your own business that you're running as opposed to working for like a triple a company well when i when i in preparation for having my son and also preparation for having my

daughter the weeks leading up to the birth it's almost like clockwork i get really nervous that my career my time my projects my dreams are going to get snuffed out by having a child and i think a lot of people especially millennials feel that way and younger generations they feel like well once you have a kid it all goes out the window and you lose your identity and you're stuck and i always that fear always sneaks up but what i've found is that with the like i said earlier with the proper with a good partner and a good attitude and planning and scheduling out your life and your dreams and your aspirations treating your dreams and aspirations almost like a non-negotiable you can you can not only make your dreams work

within the paradigm of having children it's actually that your children make your dreams and make your energy levels skyrocket and i don't know if this is true for everybody but i know it is true for me that when i had a daughter and now with the sun my career has never been more i've never been more motivated in my career as a game developer and i've also never had as much success as i have now um i'm in the highest point in my career right now and that's while having children and trust me and for those of you who are dads let me know in the comment comments i would love to hear your story but you guys know that having kids is it is so exhausting it's it's a constant it you're constantly needed and you're co whether you're sleeping or whether you're awake you're constantly

needed especially if you work from home and in spite of all of that the the the dreams the aspirations your career it's it's not gone in fact i would argue it's more pal with the word palpable uh more present and it should be more present in your mind because you want to make not only games for yourself but also you want to make games for your family somehow my uh my view of what my indie game career is all about it's not only just making great games like that's that's still there it's it's also about building an empire or building a portfolio of games that provide wealth and that's not bad by the way provide wealth and security for my family and my kids and hopefully my grandkids

so not only do i have that deep dream of just making great games and being an artist but there's also a i would argue a deeper dream of building something huge for my family that you know stays here after i'm gone so that's how my kids motivate me uh they they force me to work hard for them because i promise you every day that you have a kid the more you realize how that child means more to you than anything any video game any career aspiration so suddenly your career aspirations transform from being all about you to being about your family so that's why i recommend having kids now don't have kids if uh you know the obvious reasons right but if for those of you who are who are in a financial situation and in

a you know a relationship where that can work don't be don't let your career get in the way and i've known people who they refuse to have children friends of mine they refuse to have children because they're scared it's going to take away from their career and nothing can take you away from your career except for you i promise you that and uh it may seem like your kids are taking you away from your career but it's probably just because you're a little bit lazy you could probably work a little bit harder so just want to let you guys know that that's where my head is lately um there's nothing better than having children and i would i would highly recommend you not be scared of having kids there's nothing better than holding holding at least you know it's like 50

of who you are it's like duplicated onto earth which is the weirdest thing you look at your kid and you're like holy crap like 50 of me is right there and then another 50 of you or 50 is someone you love deeply and it's manifest into this tiny little i call them it's like a creature my son is super tiny he was five and a half pounds i think when he was born tiny little guy and he's there and you're looking at him and you're saying holy holy crap that's me and it's kind of like game development you know what i mean it's like when i make a game and put it onto my imac or my pc i'm putting myself into a world and that's awesome but it's way more awesome when it's flesh and bone and you see it transform before your eyes into something really special and this is coming from somebody again this is coming from somebody who

is does not have a natural predisposition to nurture or being a father i promise you i'm not and a lot of you are like thomas you're so nice you're so cozy look at you you're in your cardigan uh-uh like i'm not i am not any of those things uh you guys don't know what i'm like and i make a lot of mistakes as a man you you don't know what i'm like out after i turn off this camera there's a lot of things that i do wrong i have i'm impatient i have a temper sometimes i get frustrated um and i'm very selfish sometimes and i just don't have a natural gift for that for for forgiving of giving away myself and i'm learning and i got a lot of room to grow but i guess my point is is that if you don't have a natural predisposition to be a parent and you don't and you're afraid that your career is gonna get squashed by having kids neither of those things are an excuse

not to have kids that's about it thanks for listening to me ramble guys and thanks for being patient as i took a break off of youtube um and i'll talk to you later bye oh leave a like subscribe yeah you know what i'm you know what am i trying to say yeah leave a like subscribe leave a comment all right see ya bye