How To Avoid Game Dev Burnout

I had the privilege of chatting with Julian ball the creator of lens Island a full-time game developer that has over 3,000 very positive reviews on Steam and it's not even fully released I asked Julian about how gamedev drove him to ultimately have a heart attack ultimately Julian and I will discuss if this heart attack was worth the end result a million dooll indie game with over 400,000 wish lists stick around because you'll find yourself incredibly motivated to not only work hard hard but smart on your next Indie title working hard or effectively is a skill and it's something like I don't do I don't sort of run myself into the ground these days in the same way that I used to I have like my fitness and eating and everything is like a massive priority I'm like a much healthier different person that I used to be but I still work just as effectively because like I found ways to do it in a more sustainable way so for me it's all about like effectiveness of what I'm doing whereas when I was more of a novice it was all about about hours it was just

like I I I just keep throwing my body at the wall and and that was the way that I filled the Gap and skill right cuz like I was fresh out of University just started working on this project it's the first game I've ever made like I never made a game before lens Island that was released in any way and um and like clearly I was just like a a noice game developer I had a huge gap of knowledge and the only way that I could feel that was like cool so I'm just going to work and and just sort of do nothing else like I'm just going to only work and just fill up with hours and sort of like that whole 10,000 hours become to become a professional it's like cool let's speedrun those 10,000 hours and just like smack them all out and at the same time make a game that's going to propel my life forward so the inevitable outcome of like really giving my all was that like yeah like over like a course of a couple years um all of like the body maintenance all of the mental maintenance just sort of degraded and degraded and degraded like I just like lost weight over me natur like pretty

athletic sort of skinny guy and um I just like lost more and more weight 12 I was like the lightest I'd ever been by far in my life at one point I was like pale I was clearly not getting like basic vitamins I was like not eating good food I was eating junk food and eating just very little because I was trying to have as few meals as possible I was trying to just make everything in my life was like efficiency based on time it was like how can I maximize the amount of time then I'm at the computer I'm working my relationship took a toll like my mental health took a toll like everything thing just like kept sliding downhill um and I sort of like was like I I understood that it was I was sort of okay with it and it just was like necessary because like my mindset at the at the time that I was sort of in the early stages making lens Island it was like this is my future like nothing else exists for me I've always had the mentality where it's like if I have a if I have a really good idea late at night I would just like wake up go on my computer and stay up all night to do the idea for me it's just like like like

what's the the sort of the value proposition is like okay so I'm like I'm tired the next day and the next day is like a little bit ruined but then I don't get some sort of action on this amazing idea versus like like it it's just I would much rather have this this idea come to life and I take some sort of like little negative um sort of like impact so then like that scaled up over years and years it's like all of these micro decisions where you're just like your body and your mental health is just taking all these hits and it got to the point where it's like I really never realized that um I think this is ultimately like the big mistake like I just I really did not realize that uh mental health could cross over into physical health so so drastically like I just did not think that that was possible I was like I can meditate and willpower away my my sorrows and I'll be fine sort of thing and it just like doesn't work like that combined with the fact that I was very physically unhealthy at the time

um it just sort of created a scenario where like my body was so adapted to stress and like high stress that like my heart my wrestling heart rate was just got higher and higher and higher I started getting so much like arhythmia and just like irregular heart beats and just all of these symptoms of just um of just really high level chronic stress just became like normal life for me and I started to accept them um but yeah then it got to the point where it was basically uh yeah like one night I just had such like yeah really really bad um sort of like arhythmia and my heart was sort of going all over the place and this was a night that I was trying to spend with friends I was like here's the one night to take my mind off things um a couple months out from launch and I was like okay I've just been grinding I just I need some sort of quick little relief so had some friends over had a couple drinks and I think it was just like the the combination of just sort of like alcohol and just me being so unbelievably stressed and not really um

not really doing anything about it it clearly just like bottled up to a point um where like yeah like I just got like I've I've had sort of like high anxiety and I will get like acute little panic attacks over my whole life over various things and they're fine it's like ah and then I'll get over it 30 seconds later I'm back to normal um but then this was a whole different Beast like this was like I sort of was just like in the toilet washing my hands and then I was just like oh like my vision getting blurry and my heart's beating out of my chest and then it just got to the point where like my whole body just felt like it was just literally shutting down like I was like felt my pulse and my heart was just um going I was like it was going so fast I was like okay my body cannot keep my heart beating this fast for very long before something really bad's going to happen wow and um yeah I started like losing my vision and I sort of like couldn't stand up right I was thinking like oh okay like maybe this is like a really bad panic attack like I don't

know and then it just got to the point where my body was just in so much discomfort and pain that I was like oh okay like this is actually like a next level like and I call my my now wife's St to like call an ambulance and then um yeah ambulance comes and then I'm sort of like in and out of Consciousness and for yeah they put me in the ambulance and then they do this thingle like the volula maneuver where it's like they sort of flip you onto your back and get you like blow as hard as you can into like this thing this stick and then they sort of quickly flip you forwards and it's basically like a maneuver to try to like reset your heart so like I had like a really bad like cardiac rythmia so I was like watching on like the heart rate machine that um it was like 200 plus and then it would just like dive to just like 20 beats a minute and I just like go like this and just start to like pass out and then that would like flip me up and then my heart rate would like Spike back to 200 and yeah it was sort of like around an hour or so of me just like

yeah man it was crazy so in this ambulance um sort of like battling my heart and it quite literally was felt like to me like um every time I was sort of about to pass out it would just felt like the movies like I was just watching my heart rate Goot like exactly like they do in the movies and I just thought okay here it is like it's it like I'm like I'm dying this is it and then um yeah and then that would sort of flip me up and then I got to a point where like it was getting worse and worse and then they shut the doors and start like to the hospital and um and like yeah and now the ambulance people start like Panic a lot more and I'm starting to get a bit more uh concerned and um and they like rip off my shirt and then they basically hook up all of like the electrodes and stuff to me and then they start having to like um it's like not defibrillating but it's like a different version of defibrillating to like reset your heart rather than I guess like yeah they're basically just like shocking me over and over and I was sort of like stuck in this Loop where I was sort of basically just dying and my heart was

stopping and I kep to shock me to sort of like trying to get it back onto Rhythm and um and yeah like when they closed like the ambulance doors like I said goodbye to Steph and like I really I really like thought like that was it you know like I thought yeah yeah yeah it's yeah hard to talk about but like I you know just like the moment of like saying goodbye to like your loved one be like see Steph and I like had the thought in my mind like I think this is probably the last time I'll like say goodbye to her and um I just realized I literally haven't told this story since um we did our documentary so it's pretty pretty difficult to talk about cuz I don't really talk about that often yeah but um but yeah basically several hours this whole old deal and um I I sort of had like this severe cardiac arhythmia and I said I had these multiple like mini strokes or something like that and um yeah I sort

of put in the hospital for like a day or two and all this like um surveillance and stuff and all these heart rate machines and everything there was a team like a dozen doctors around me when I got to the hospital and yeah um yeah they basically like put me on all this medication and all this stuff because my heart for then like a long time after that um had like really severe sort of arhythmia throughout the day and um yeah it sort of slowly it slowly got better um over time uh but like it it yeah like I I I could barely sort of like see straight and walk and move the next day like it was like it completely just flawed me that experience and um I think it really put into perspective for me like yeah just like the perspective of of of quite literally being like okay this is it like 100% ready to die yeah um it put in perspective for me I guess two things and it was really like I'm I'm happy with the choices and I'm happy with what I did like I I'm confident in the person that I am I'm

confident that like you know Julian would just if if Julian had the same life over and over and over he just would have made this decision every time and I'm I'm okay with that because Julian's just doing what Julene wants to do and at the same time it's like okay how can we keep this mentality how can we how can I give myself to what I want to do in life 100% but then um have longevity at the same time have sustainability within that environment so then yeah like I guess ever since then that was like three or four year probably like four years ago now I've sort of just been on like this journey to be like okay how can I really make sure Stress Management and my physical health and my mental health is a priority and it's like a non-negotiable you know going for a run working out eating healthy having time with my wife um like meditating like being able to like talk about my problems all these things are now like cornerstones of my life that I can't give up like foundations that are like a locked in

part of the day where it's like I could be going through the craziest Crunch and I'm still going for my run like doesn't matter like that the time that I'm going for my run doesn't exist like that time is not optional so I've had to sort of slowly build up this sort of foundation of good health and a good mental health over time but it definitely took like a severe learning experience to really work out um just how bad it can get because I guess when you really give your order something it's like there's nothing left like once you've given your Ro you realize that like there's nothing left in the tank and um and you really start to sort of uh realize what it's like to um to just like have nothing left no energy no health no nothing and um and like my body just shut down like it literally it's like no they just can't do it any longer well man that's just dude that's so wild and and I'm glad you're okay I'm glad you were with friends dude man imagine if you were

working on your game and you were alone yeah oh yeah yeah like that was that was like a real fear of mine for like a year or two afterwards was just like I was too scared to sort of go for a run or hike or anything cuz I was just so scared about just getting a heart attack um yeah so it took a while to build up that confidence and now it's like I I ran a half marathon the other day just I sort of felt like it and I felt great and like I couldn't dream about doing that you know before like I'd run a kilometer and be like and like on the ground and um so yeah so like it it quite literally just changed my life for the better game design as a weird little symptom that I did not expect exactly um yeah I'm I'm very happy to say that like I'm I'm a very much a healthy healthier happier sort of better person now and I'm very very glad that experience happened uh for me like experiencing the full spectrum of life is is I think like for me like necessary and an important sort of important part of life to

actually understand what the real good parts are like and what the real bad parts are like so the silver lining for me is being able to sort of understand that full spectrum um really puts into perspective like the little the little things throughout the day that feel big at the time and you go they're nothing like that's fine I'll get over it man I I totally agree I was just talking to my wife about this cuz this summer like I've said and I'll probably do a video about what what exactly this summer what happened but but for for for my studio but um I was talking to my wife about this and just how grateful I am for the hell that this summer was because I'm like Thomas brush 2.0 now you know like I'm just I've upgraded um and for you it's like it sounds like you don't really have any regrets about how you did things because you're just better for it now you know definitely um um sort of to wrap this

conversation up here I wanted to ask you you've given us the solution for for game developers listening now who might be overworked and burnt out and the solution is non-negotiable exercise non-negotiable diet and meditation and all of that what do you think is inherently stressful about Game Dev well I I I think that inherently stressful part is really just building a thing without a blueprint it's like whenever you're trying to make something and you don't know exactly what it is you're trying to make or exactly how to make it whatever judgments you make will always be wrong so like the the really difficult part about game design and this is also applies to like making movies and and other forms of media but sometimes it can be less so because they're at some points less technical um but it's very very difficult to estimate time money to

estimate anything like there's like any aspect of the project you have to just sort of like Mark on your calendar or like mark on a bank account okay this is it this is how much money I've got this is when it needs to get done um and it's like a make believe point in time and then you have to actually then make a game and somehow get to that point yeah and um and that's the difficult part because like if obviously it becomes easier the smaller scope you have um or the more like predictable your game is but like just games as a genre as an art form um they're so technical they're so fluid it is just so unbelievably difficult to get that formula right so the difference being it's just like the Delta the difference of like what your projection was and like the reality um there's only one way to make that up like if it's either like you quit and it and it failed or like you have to make that up yourself like if you're just an an indie by yourself that's you if it's a team it's the team it's like guess

what like we just have to work more and harder um until we get to that point and there just like there's just no other option so like it really is just like all or nothing because if you don't make that point um for some people like there might be padding built in um but even then like if it's padding you still had a projection and you still didn't make that projection and you still eating up your padding like if you eat up your padding that might cause other outcomes maybe you eat up or your ping and it's still not made so I think that game just are inherently difficult to just um to guess how long they're going to make um and sort of how difficult they are to create um it's just sort of like part of the Beast it's also why I think Early Access and sort of making like public development videos stuff like that things um that give you money throughout the process are the most beneficial things to game development I think like people that make games publicly people like um yourself like and and also like you sort of streamers as well like think

about like pirate software and stuff like that oh yeah that is like the creme Del Creme of running a game Studio as far as like okay so wait a minute they're getting paid to make the game they haven't made the game yet they don't really even have the product but just just the act of making the game they're getting paid sometimes they're getting paid more than what the game's even going to sell um and it's just like that's the formula that can that can help counter that that sort of that risk profile that's just like baked into games yeah man I I totally agree and and for me I I understand your the stressful part of it um ever since I started making games I've had high blood pressure um and so I take blood pressure meds now because I don't know it's like so just all day when I'm working my left leg is just bouncing and I'm just like tense uh and I think it's something like it's like trying to build a house while it collapses like that's that's

the best way I can describe Game Dev um because all like you said all of your Notions of what will make the game good are falling apart before your eyes it's like Oh I thought that would be fun it's not fun I thought that would look cool it doesn't look cool I thought this would work within the context of this story element it doesn't and so you're building stuff spending money on it and then it breaks and so you lost the money essentially and then you have to rebuild it again and sort of spin the chamber and think man you know I I hope that like somehow you have to trust yourself even though a lot of your decisions did not pan out during development and so there's insecurity there's fear there's anxiety uh there's money being lost and um it's like a really really high form of gambling I get it yeah it is I think I think like the formula there is is less about countering like the innate aspects

of games and we about countering the innate aspects of like you as a person cuz like a lot of indie game devs that are successful that you may interview that we may know about and he talk about they're very very similar people like they have similar character traits and it's like okay a lot of them might be very creative and like entrepreneurial they might be like uh a lot of them are probably very adverse to risk and they like to plan a lot and they're very an like sort of anxious people but then they have some sort of confidence or risk-taking ability which allows them to then like go forward like they have some sort of like big motivation um that allows them to actually like act on that plan I think it's more about like understanding the kind of person you are and um and being able to work with that rather than try to like like no matter what like making games will be stressful like it's just yeah like like sitting down every day and working on something and you don't quite know when it's going to get done and you don't quite know how long the thing is you're doing is going to take you don't quite know about the

the unforeseen um sort of like technical problems and stuff going to happen it's just like yeah like it it just is sort of stressful and it and it if if you're the kind of person where that doesn't sit well like that doesn't sit well for me like I I want to be in control I like to plan ahead I like to be in control of my future and my my present so it just by definition doesn't really sit well with me so therefore I have to like I have to make it sit well and that's like that's like a me problem I have to sort of work on myself as a problem as as a person to be able to make games and be happy about it yeah uh i' I've definitely learned that this year man like um I've learned that my circumstances don't have to determine how my brain feels you know just because just because um just because the world around you is collapsing and near me it is um we just got hit with a hurricane really bad and yeah I was just uh I was an hour away from where I live now I was just

doing this cool little um like a search and rescue type thing it was really fun uh we went with like 10 people up to North Carolina to just help and see if people needed help and needed water and and you just look at the devastation around you like dude I was in this mountain town and like they lost everything like the roads are completely collapsed uh the the the their homes are you know falling off of cliffs like literally uh or like hanging over the edge of cliffs over a river and I talk to these people and I'm like so like how are you I'm I'm talking to the residents I'm like how are you going to how are you going to you know get your money back from your house is insurance going to pay for it they're like no insurance doesn't cover it yeah and I'm like is the government going to pay and they're like no and I'm like well then how are you doing and they're like we're just lucky to be alive and they they've restructured their their brain to like to adapt to the circumstances around

them yeah and the same is true with Game Dev from what I'm hearing you say it's like you don't care what Game Dev throws at you or what what you know what problems come with your game during development you still have to power through and it's up to you to figure out how to do it and to be in a good mental state and a healthy mental state regardless of the situation right yeah yeah and it's possible most people just they go well I was born this way so I'm going to be miserable and it's like no you can change your brain you can make it work you know yeah yeah I think people just remember the game they're making is the outcome of the game designing machine that they are and the better that machine the better the game oh I love that yeah that was a good quote to end on that was good all right by the way if you're like me and you always always dreamt of making an indie game as a full-time job I have a free

webinar below that goes into exactly how to make six figures with just a demo I was just like you for years I thought I had to make a game in its entirety before getting a paycheck but there's actually three ways to make six figures before even finishing your game I've done this multiple times so check it out below if you do want to go full-time Indie and thanks for watching